Well I figured I would try to get in writing some of the feelings I have about my up-coming appointment with Dr. Wyatt.
As many of you know after I had my C Section with Callie, Dr. Wyatt told me that if it weren't for God Callie would not be here. My mind was a whirlwind that day, but every time I play that through my head I have so many feelings about those few words.
My appointment is April 16th at 3:30 and I am very nervous about it. The reason I am nervous is that Dr. Wyatt said that this would be when we discussed "my health and future". What this means is that he is going to tell Josh and I if he thinks that we should try for another baby or not and what my chances are of a hysterectomy. He is also going to check for cysts to see if I have any right now. I have been having a lot of pain lately and am almost positive that something is going on. We are also going to discuss a new medicine for Poly Cystic Ovary Disease and see if it would help me or not. Just during my pregnancy I ended up having 5 cysts.
I have a whole list of questions that I have been working on so that I don't forget all of them as I normally do when he walks in the room.
I know that whatever Gods will is will be done, but its hard not knowing what we are facing. I told Josh it would be different if I/we did not want another baby and we made the decision to just have Callie. That is not the case though. If we could afford it I would love to have 3-4 kids at least. Josh says no way:) 2 is enough for him. Of course he had said that Callie would be the only one at first but now doesn't want her to grow up alone.
We are talking a lot about things right now and he is trying to get me psyched up for what Dr. Wyatt has to say.
There are so many things to think about now that we have Cal. I told Josh that if Dr. Wyatt said that it would be harmful to me to try to have another baby that I wouldn't care I would try anyway, but then I have to stop and think about Callie. Its not just me anymore I have to stay healthy for her. She is priority right now.
The fact of motherhood has totally changed my outlook on life. Not just for myself, but for everything that surrounds us in our lives.
As of right now I am just going to try and not think a lot about my appt because I have been worrying about it for weeks and its taking a toll on me physically and emotionally.
I do however hope that there is something Dr. Wyatt can do about how badly I hurt everyday. Now that I live with Mom she sees that things are different that they used to be. I feel for anyone that has to deal with cysts!!
1 comment:
As hard as it may be, you should really stop worrying over the appointment. Think about it--anything regarding your ability to conceive another child is out of your hands. Regardless of what he tells you--yes or no you can have another child--you need to think long and hard about it. Callie, like you said, is your first priority and she and Josh need you to be happy and healthy.
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