That is what I enjoy the most. This weekend we had a very relaxed time and just did what we wanted to. Of course this included some things we had to do that were not as enjoyable such as dishes, cleaning, laundry etc...but for the most part we did what we felt like doing.
I was sitting out on our screened in porch Saturday with Callie and Eden and just thinking how great it was to see the girls together. I guess I have always kinda seen Eden as my own daughter. Not that I do not love all of my nieces and Weston the same, Eden has just been with me a lot more than the others. I used to think it was so neat to take her places just the two of us because people always talked to her and called me her mom ( I loved it). I was sitting there and thinking how sweet it would be to have two girls. I think sisters just have a bond like no other. Yes there is a major age gap between E and Callie but they are so cute together.
I hope if we do have another baby whether it be a boy or a girl Callie will be an awesome big sister!!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Why is it
When you get medication from a doctor it has to have so many side effects? Now that I am back on my hormones/ anti-depressants I have felt horrible for the last four days. I remember last time I was on it I felt very weird and bad for about a month and then got used to it. This time though with a small baby its really taking a lot out of me. The feelings that I am having are all side effects of the meds because I read my booklet on it today. They include extreme shaking and tremors, sweating so much more than even when pregnant, throwing up and horrible nausea, headache, fatigue and dizziness. It really stinks that there are not "wonder meds" that dont have so many side effects.
I dont know if it has something to do with my body changing after having Callie, but it really seems to be way worse this time around as far as these side effects go. If a few more weeks go by and I am still having this many effects and at this extent I think I am going to call my doc and see if we can try something else. I guess our body's really do change or something after having a child.
Really stinks right now thats for sure...
I dont know if it has something to do with my body changing after having Callie, but it really seems to be way worse this time around as far as these side effects go. If a few more weeks go by and I am still having this many effects and at this extent I think I am going to call my doc and see if we can try something else. I guess our body's really do change or something after having a child.
Really stinks right now thats for sure...
Thursday, April 17, 2008
My Appt/ So much to think about
Well yesterday was my appt with Dr. Wyatt. He was super great and answered the list of questions Josh and I had.
To start things off I now have a better idea of why I have not felt so well the past couple of weeks and keep getting dizzy every time I stand up. My blood pressure was really high for me, even higher than when I was prego. It was 159/90. Dr. Wyatt was not pleased with that at all so now I have to check it 2-3 times a day for the next 2 weeks. If it stays high I have to go to my primary care physican.
Basically Dr. Wyatt told me that there is no reason for Josh and I to try to have another baby when we are ready. He did however just come out and tell us the odds and chances of it happening. He said that we really have three basic options to look at. #1 get pregnant and have a healthy baby. #2 not get pregnant. #3 have a tubal or miscarriage.
This is where the scary part comes in. He said that you can look at "normal women with normal parts" and say 1 in 10 may have a tubal pregnancy. However he said with my "parts" not being normal since my one tube I have left is upside down and wraps around my Uterus that my chances of a tubal pregnancy will double. In some cases they can go in and "remove the baby" and put it in the Uterus and a successful pregnancy will then result. In my case though that is not an option. He said if I were to get pregnant and have a tubal baby I would lose my tube and have to have a hysterectomy. That is where it really gets us thinking.
I talked to several friends and family members yesterday to tell them what we found out. They all had one thing to say. Which was that I was handleing that news better than they imagined I was. I thought so myself to be honest. I figured I would cry and have so many emotions I couldnt handle them all.
I look at it in one way and this is why I am not losing it right now. Callie was a true miracle. Dr. Wyatt even stressed this yesterday. Again he said that God is the reason Cal is here that there is no way my body can handle that without God. So that is my inspiration and hope for a healthy baby #2. I am sure some people that have a 5 month old would not even be thinking of another baby. However in our case our parenthood options are not like most. We do know we have a limited amount of time to have a baby #2 (God willing we get the chance)
I know that whatever Gods will is will happen in our lives. It is hard and I so wish I were one of those "normal" people that never even had to think about things like this. I would love to be able to say ok lets have a baby and it happen. Thats not what God wanted for Josh and I though and I have to accept that. Everything happens for a reason. Although this is very emotional and frustrating for me I know that we will get through it.
We are wanting to try and get pregnant right around Callie turning one so we will see. If we do not get the chance to be parents of two then we will just have even more the opportunity to spoil Cal rotten!!! That is such a wonderful thing about being parents:)
Also I am back on anti-depressants and hormones. Dr. Wyatt said that I should not be embarrased by that at all. He said that having a baby is hard enough and then losing a parent with a new baby has got to make things worse. I will be on the hormones for at least another year and then we will see how my one ovary is doing. He said that a lot of times when a woman only has one ovary it just can not do the work for two. The only other thing that may be bad down the near road is the fact of my one ovary not working at all either. He is optomistic but looking at my health and body now he does not think it will keep working properly for too much longer.
So with all of that said. I just want to thank God every day for the life I do have. Yes things are going on right now that I really wish I did not have to go through, but I also know it could be much worse. I never thought I would have a baby of my own to hold and look into those little innocent eyes and know she needed me. Now that God has blessed us with Callie I know that anything is possible!!! I will just try to stay positive and enjoy every precious minute I have with her.
To start things off I now have a better idea of why I have not felt so well the past couple of weeks and keep getting dizzy every time I stand up. My blood pressure was really high for me, even higher than when I was prego. It was 159/90. Dr. Wyatt was not pleased with that at all so now I have to check it 2-3 times a day for the next 2 weeks. If it stays high I have to go to my primary care physican.
Basically Dr. Wyatt told me that there is no reason for Josh and I to try to have another baby when we are ready. He did however just come out and tell us the odds and chances of it happening. He said that we really have three basic options to look at. #1 get pregnant and have a healthy baby. #2 not get pregnant. #3 have a tubal or miscarriage.
This is where the scary part comes in. He said that you can look at "normal women with normal parts" and say 1 in 10 may have a tubal pregnancy. However he said with my "parts" not being normal since my one tube I have left is upside down and wraps around my Uterus that my chances of a tubal pregnancy will double. In some cases they can go in and "remove the baby" and put it in the Uterus and a successful pregnancy will then result. In my case though that is not an option. He said if I were to get pregnant and have a tubal baby I would lose my tube and have to have a hysterectomy. That is where it really gets us thinking.
I talked to several friends and family members yesterday to tell them what we found out. They all had one thing to say. Which was that I was handleing that news better than they imagined I was. I thought so myself to be honest. I figured I would cry and have so many emotions I couldnt handle them all.
I look at it in one way and this is why I am not losing it right now. Callie was a true miracle. Dr. Wyatt even stressed this yesterday. Again he said that God is the reason Cal is here that there is no way my body can handle that without God. So that is my inspiration and hope for a healthy baby #2. I am sure some people that have a 5 month old would not even be thinking of another baby. However in our case our parenthood options are not like most. We do know we have a limited amount of time to have a baby #2 (God willing we get the chance)
I know that whatever Gods will is will happen in our lives. It is hard and I so wish I were one of those "normal" people that never even had to think about things like this. I would love to be able to say ok lets have a baby and it happen. Thats not what God wanted for Josh and I though and I have to accept that. Everything happens for a reason. Although this is very emotional and frustrating for me I know that we will get through it.
We are wanting to try and get pregnant right around Callie turning one so we will see. If we do not get the chance to be parents of two then we will just have even more the opportunity to spoil Cal rotten!!! That is such a wonderful thing about being parents:)
Also I am back on anti-depressants and hormones. Dr. Wyatt said that I should not be embarrased by that at all. He said that having a baby is hard enough and then losing a parent with a new baby has got to make things worse. I will be on the hormones for at least another year and then we will see how my one ovary is doing. He said that a lot of times when a woman only has one ovary it just can not do the work for two. The only other thing that may be bad down the near road is the fact of my one ovary not working at all either. He is optomistic but looking at my health and body now he does not think it will keep working properly for too much longer.
So with all of that said. I just want to thank God every day for the life I do have. Yes things are going on right now that I really wish I did not have to go through, but I also know it could be much worse. I never thought I would have a baby of my own to hold and look into those little innocent eyes and know she needed me. Now that God has blessed us with Callie I know that anything is possible!!! I will just try to stay positive and enjoy every precious minute I have with her.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Gets you thinking
I think this says it all. I found this on another blog and it really was something I needed at the time. I think we all need to live by this....
There's an old saying that says, "You can't take it with you." Although the world will offer you all kinds of things that seem shiny and exciting, they will all fade. Money, cars, ipods, careers.....these things will bring you joy and satisfaction for a while, but in the end, where will you have found your joy? As you walk through this week, look for the things in your life that will stand the test of time. Look for the love, the compassion, the opportunities for giving. Try to discover the things that bring you joy that don't come with a price tag, and then get as much joy as you can while you're here on this earth!
There's an old saying that says, "You can't take it with you." Although the world will offer you all kinds of things that seem shiny and exciting, they will all fade. Money, cars, ipods, careers.....these things will bring you joy and satisfaction for a while, but in the end, where will you have found your joy? As you walk through this week, look for the things in your life that will stand the test of time. Look for the love, the compassion, the opportunities for giving. Try to discover the things that bring you joy that don't come with a price tag, and then get as much joy as you can while you're here on this earth!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Missing my Daddy
I can not believe it has almost been 3 months already since Daddy left us. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of him and miss him.
I catch myself saying to myself "I cant believe he is gone". I knew that having an older Daddy that it would happen at one time or another, but it still does not seem real to me sometimes. I would give anything to hear him talk or feel his hug.
Being back at home brings up so many memories and emotions. Daddy's robe is still hanging on his closest door like always, his shoes are still sitting by the wood stove. There are little things of him all over the house. Even his truck is how he left it. His glasses and Jeff Foxworthy tapes still in the center console. Every time I drive his truck I think about him asking me where it was one day when we were in his hospital room at St. Vincents and I told him it was in the parking deck. He asked who had been driving it and I told him I had. He gave me that "McGhee" look and mouthed "Oh Gosh". I told him I hadn't wrecked it yet and I emphasized the YET part and he just shook his head and laughed. It was so Daddy the way he laughed about it.
I miss my Daddy so much....
Life changes
Well I figured I would try to get in writing some of the feelings I have about my up-coming appointment with Dr. Wyatt.
As many of you know after I had my C Section with Callie, Dr. Wyatt told me that if it weren't for God Callie would not be here. My mind was a whirlwind that day, but every time I play that through my head I have so many feelings about those few words.
My appointment is April 16th at 3:30 and I am very nervous about it. The reason I am nervous is that Dr. Wyatt said that this would be when we discussed "my health and future". What this means is that he is going to tell Josh and I if he thinks that we should try for another baby or not and what my chances are of a hysterectomy. He is also going to check for cysts to see if I have any right now. I have been having a lot of pain lately and am almost positive that something is going on. We are also going to discuss a new medicine for Poly Cystic Ovary Disease and see if it would help me or not. Just during my pregnancy I ended up having 5 cysts.
I have a whole list of questions that I have been working on so that I don't forget all of them as I normally do when he walks in the room.
I know that whatever Gods will is will be done, but its hard not knowing what we are facing. I told Josh it would be different if I/we did not want another baby and we made the decision to just have Callie. That is not the case though. If we could afford it I would love to have 3-4 kids at least. Josh says no way:) 2 is enough for him. Of course he had said that Callie would be the only one at first but now doesn't want her to grow up alone.
We are talking a lot about things right now and he is trying to get me psyched up for what Dr. Wyatt has to say.
There are so many things to think about now that we have Cal. I told Josh that if Dr. Wyatt said that it would be harmful to me to try to have another baby that I wouldn't care I would try anyway, but then I have to stop and think about Callie. Its not just me anymore I have to stay healthy for her. She is priority right now.
The fact of motherhood has totally changed my outlook on life. Not just for myself, but for everything that surrounds us in our lives.
As of right now I am just going to try and not think a lot about my appt because I have been worrying about it for weeks and its taking a toll on me physically and emotionally.
I do however hope that there is something Dr. Wyatt can do about how badly I hurt everyday. Now that I live with Mom she sees that things are different that they used to be. I feel for anyone that has to deal with cysts!!
As many of you know after I had my C Section with Callie, Dr. Wyatt told me that if it weren't for God Callie would not be here. My mind was a whirlwind that day, but every time I play that through my head I have so many feelings about those few words.
My appointment is April 16th at 3:30 and I am very nervous about it. The reason I am nervous is that Dr. Wyatt said that this would be when we discussed "my health and future". What this means is that he is going to tell Josh and I if he thinks that we should try for another baby or not and what my chances are of a hysterectomy. He is also going to check for cysts to see if I have any right now. I have been having a lot of pain lately and am almost positive that something is going on. We are also going to discuss a new medicine for Poly Cystic Ovary Disease and see if it would help me or not. Just during my pregnancy I ended up having 5 cysts.
I have a whole list of questions that I have been working on so that I don't forget all of them as I normally do when he walks in the room.
I know that whatever Gods will is will be done, but its hard not knowing what we are facing. I told Josh it would be different if I/we did not want another baby and we made the decision to just have Callie. That is not the case though. If we could afford it I would love to have 3-4 kids at least. Josh says no way:) 2 is enough for him. Of course he had said that Callie would be the only one at first but now doesn't want her to grow up alone.
We are talking a lot about things right now and he is trying to get me psyched up for what Dr. Wyatt has to say.
There are so many things to think about now that we have Cal. I told Josh that if Dr. Wyatt said that it would be harmful to me to try to have another baby that I wouldn't care I would try anyway, but then I have to stop and think about Callie. Its not just me anymore I have to stay healthy for her. She is priority right now.
The fact of motherhood has totally changed my outlook on life. Not just for myself, but for everything that surrounds us in our lives.
As of right now I am just going to try and not think a lot about my appt because I have been worrying about it for weeks and its taking a toll on me physically and emotionally.
I do however hope that there is something Dr. Wyatt can do about how badly I hurt everyday. Now that I live with Mom she sees that things are different that they used to be. I feel for anyone that has to deal with cysts!!
Monday, April 7, 2008
Why is it so emotional to be a Mommy???
I never would have imagined how emotional I would still be even after having Callie. I could not sleep well last night because I kept thinking that just 5 short months ago I was sitting up anticipating the next morning and going to have my daughter. I remember how many emotions I felt. It is so amazing how emotional I feel on the 7th of each month when Callie gets another month older. Of course I would not want the alternative to happen and her not grow older. Its just unbelievable that she is already 5 months old.
Back when I was pregnant I saw an add in a baby magazine that was for a 1/2 birthday. At that point I knew I wanted to do it for Cal. What you do is make a little birthday cake and decorate it and put 1/2 on the top for their 6 month birthday. Of course Cal will not get to enjoy the cake, but she will get a special prize that day and it will make for a great photo opportunity. I remember telling Josh and Mom about it and how cute they thought the idea was. I thought at that time I had so long to go until it would be time for her little party. Now I can not imagine that its only a month away.
I think that motherhood is the most rewarding job I have ever had. It is so wonderful to look at my daughter and know that if it were not for me she would not be here.
Speaking of the word daughter. It still sometimes hits me that OMG I have a daughter!!! Last Thursday I had to reschedule my doctors appt due to some issues(more about that later). When the lady gave me the date for a reschedule I remembered that Callie has to go to the Nutritionist that day. So I told the lady at my clinic I could not do it that day because my daughter had her own appt that day. I dont know what about saying "my daughter" hit me like that, but it sure did!!! Some times I wonder how long will it take to sink in that I am a Mommy.
Back when I was pregnant I saw an add in a baby magazine that was for a 1/2 birthday. At that point I knew I wanted to do it for Cal. What you do is make a little birthday cake and decorate it and put 1/2 on the top for their 6 month birthday. Of course Cal will not get to enjoy the cake, but she will get a special prize that day and it will make for a great photo opportunity. I remember telling Josh and Mom about it and how cute they thought the idea was. I thought at that time I had so long to go until it would be time for her little party. Now I can not imagine that its only a month away.
I think that motherhood is the most rewarding job I have ever had. It is so wonderful to look at my daughter and know that if it were not for me she would not be here.
Speaking of the word daughter. It still sometimes hits me that OMG I have a daughter!!! Last Thursday I had to reschedule my doctors appt due to some issues(more about that later). When the lady gave me the date for a reschedule I remembered that Callie has to go to the Nutritionist that day. So I told the lady at my clinic I could not do it that day because my daughter had her own appt that day. I dont know what about saying "my daughter" hit me like that, but it sure did!!! Some times I wonder how long will it take to sink in that I am a Mommy.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
My 1st post
I decided I might as well go ahead and start blogging in my own blog. I have been set up here since February, but just now getting around to finding time to start.
I love to post blogs on Callie's site so I decided to start one for myself, for grown up talk!!
Check back for more blogs later.
I love to post blogs on Callie's site so I decided to start one for myself, for grown up talk!!
Check back for more blogs later.
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