So I have made a deal with myself to try to take a little more time for myself at least once a week. Tonight was my treat night. I took a 30 minute bath and read part of a great Mary Higgins Clark book (I love to read in the tub I would do it every night if I could), soaked in my rose petal bath things, re-polished my toenails, did a Cucumber peel off mask, followed by a great new face moisturizer and treated myself to lotion from head to toe. This was so super nice compared to my normal 3 minute in and out shower followed by a little deodorant and if I am lucky some body spray. I felt so energized right after my treat, but now am so relaxed and sleepy I can hardly hold my eyes open.
Off to bed for hopefully a good nights sleep......
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
How amazing it is
I know I always say that being a Mommy is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And well it is. Times like today I really have so many emotions they are hard to keep in. Last night Callie didnt feel too well or sleep well so she ended up in my bed. She is in the process of cutting 6 teeth at once and has been fine with it until yesterday. She went to the bathroom 8 times which is not normal at all for her. So we are playing on the floor on a blanket as much as possible in the birthday suit to get some air to her little booty. This is her first rash since she has been born.
All of that said to lead to this....this morning when I woke up she was laying there playing with my face and as soon as my eyes popped open there it was... the biggest, cutest, sweetest little smile I have ever seen. Still my favorite time is in the morning when I get that first smile of the day. It just melts my heart. I am so blessed that God allows such sweet little miracles to start a new day.
All of that said to lead to this....this morning when I woke up she was laying there playing with my face and as soon as my eyes popped open there it was... the biggest, cutest, sweetest little smile I have ever seen. Still my favorite time is in the morning when I get that first smile of the day. It just melts my heart. I am so blessed that God allows such sweet little miracles to start a new day.
It's smiles like this one....
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Went to Daddy's grave
Tuesday Mom and I went and stayed the night in Sheridan. Since we were at my house for Father's Day I wanted to take Daddy some flowers I had bought for Father's Day. So we went to clean up his grave and check on things. Well once we got there I got depressed at how empty it looked so we went shopping and I made two baskets and fixed a the vase Mom had taken him roses in for V-Day and took them back to his grave. Its amazing how quickly flowers fade in the sun. There was only one actual flower arrangement left on Daddy's grave because Mom and I had moved some one of Daddy's to Mary's grave the last time we were down there.
It helped a little. We talked about planting a Rose bush or two next year to add to it because Daddy loved Roses so much.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
1st Happy and Sad Fathers Day
My 1st Easter
Last pic of Daddy & I together (7 months pregnant with Callie)
Happy because its Josh's first with Callie and sad because its my first without my Daddy.
I went to Wal-Mart to do my usual Father's Day card shopping and I could not bring myself to not buy my Daddy a card. The first one that caught my attention really fit once I read it. This is what it says:
When does a girl need her Dad?
She needs him when she's little...
to read her the bedtime story (and do the voices)....
to put her jammies on backward by accident (or maybe just to make her laugh)...
She needs her dad when she's growing...
to teach her to wait for a good pitch (and to be her biggest fan, hit or miss)...
A girl needs her dad when she's finally ready to set out on her own...
to change the oil and check the tires...
to hug her and tell her he knows she'll go far...
A girl needs her dad when she's not really a girl anymore...
to smile at her as they wait to walk down the aisle...
to look up to, no matter how grown-up she gets...
to read her kids a story (and do the voices)...
When does a girl need her Dad?
ALWAYS!!
I really still feeling like I need my Daddy.
A lot of these things really touch my heart. I miss my Daddy so much. I love you Daddy, Happy Father's Day!!
Monday, June 9, 2008
A blog for myself
I needed to get these words down while they were with me.
I dont understand why some days are harder than others. Last night was the first time I have dreamed about Daddy since he passed away. It was so "real" when I woke up and knew it wasnt real I was so overwhelmed by sadness I couldnt stand it. Then this morning I found out that Mom had a dream about him too. In hers he was sick though and we were fighting the Cancer. In my dream though Daddy was fine. We were at some kind of reunion (I may have dreamed this bc Mom and I are discussing that fact or going to Dads family reunion to show Callie off for the first time and Daddy wont be with us). In my dream we were sitting at a table eating. I dont know why but I always liked the way Daddy looked when he ate. Makes no sense to me bc it was nothing extraordinary at all. Maybe its bc when I was growing up he was so busy with work but at suppertime we always sat at the table as a family and ate.
Today all I have been able to do is think about him. Mom has too bc I have seen her crying a couple of times today. It always seems to hit me hardest when Callie does something or we talk about the future with her. Mom and I were in the floor playing with her today and she did something and for some reason Mom said Ho Ho Ho. Then that led to Christmas which in turn led to Daddy and his bday being on Christmas.
I miss my Daddy so much but there is just something about being Callie's Mom and knowing that she will never have her own memories of her Paw Paw. I dont know why it gets me so much to think of all of the things she will never get to do with him. Dad was always such a kid person and I swear I never knew a kid that didnt automatically like him. He was like a magnet and would draw them to him.
I remember the day Callie was born and we found out I would have to have a C-Section Daddy cried right along with Me, Josh, and Mom. They meant so much to me. He also was the one that was supposed to go and let Bitzie out that day (for some reason though I dont know if he did or not, or if someone else did Mom cant remember either) But when we were talking about him leaving to go and let Boo out he knew I was supposed to be going for prep and he told me he wanted to be sure and be back from my house in time to kiss me bye. I guess it was just a Daddy thing that he wanted to do bc his little girl was going to have surgery. Anyways I will never forget the look he had when he said this.
I know we are not supposed to ask God why bc he does all things for a reason but I am finding it so hard lately not to question him. I hope that the more time that passes I will find more comfort but I still feel as though we played a part in Daddy's death. I know the cancer would have taken him but I do not think anyone should ever have to face the decisions we did with turning off the Ventilator on Daddy.
I just wish things could have been different and he would have just gone to sleep on his own.....
I dont understand why some days are harder than others. Last night was the first time I have dreamed about Daddy since he passed away. It was so "real" when I woke up and knew it wasnt real I was so overwhelmed by sadness I couldnt stand it. Then this morning I found out that Mom had a dream about him too. In hers he was sick though and we were fighting the Cancer. In my dream though Daddy was fine. We were at some kind of reunion (I may have dreamed this bc Mom and I are discussing that fact or going to Dads family reunion to show Callie off for the first time and Daddy wont be with us). In my dream we were sitting at a table eating. I dont know why but I always liked the way Daddy looked when he ate. Makes no sense to me bc it was nothing extraordinary at all. Maybe its bc when I was growing up he was so busy with work but at suppertime we always sat at the table as a family and ate.
Today all I have been able to do is think about him. Mom has too bc I have seen her crying a couple of times today. It always seems to hit me hardest when Callie does something or we talk about the future with her. Mom and I were in the floor playing with her today and she did something and for some reason Mom said Ho Ho Ho. Then that led to Christmas which in turn led to Daddy and his bday being on Christmas.
I miss my Daddy so much but there is just something about being Callie's Mom and knowing that she will never have her own memories of her Paw Paw. I dont know why it gets me so much to think of all of the things she will never get to do with him. Dad was always such a kid person and I swear I never knew a kid that didnt automatically like him. He was like a magnet and would draw them to him.
I remember the day Callie was born and we found out I would have to have a C-Section Daddy cried right along with Me, Josh, and Mom. They meant so much to me. He also was the one that was supposed to go and let Bitzie out that day (for some reason though I dont know if he did or not, or if someone else did Mom cant remember either) But when we were talking about him leaving to go and let Boo out he knew I was supposed to be going for prep and he told me he wanted to be sure and be back from my house in time to kiss me bye. I guess it was just a Daddy thing that he wanted to do bc his little girl was going to have surgery. Anyways I will never forget the look he had when he said this.
I know we are not supposed to ask God why bc he does all things for a reason but I am finding it so hard lately not to question him. I hope that the more time that passes I will find more comfort but I still feel as though we played a part in Daddy's death. I know the cancer would have taken him but I do not think anyone should ever have to face the decisions we did with turning off the Ventilator on Daddy.
I just wish things could have been different and he would have just gone to sleep on his own.....
Sunday, June 8, 2008
My Sunday Project
Above: Back bed before and after
Above: Front bed before and after
Well Josh and I worked hard on our beds today at home. We did the front one together. This included digging up the only remaining shrubs that survived from my great hubby trying to transplant them last year:) and then planting our new things. We planted Hostas (thanks Bubba), Delphinium, Holly Hocks, Balloon Flowers and Lillies. For autumn color we added some Mums and Nandina shrubs to the bed in the front. We are pleased with how it looks and cant wait to see everything in full bloom next year!!
I did the back bed along our porch myself. I dug up all of the Azaleas which was no easy task. The root systems on them were enormous. They had taken over the back bed. It was just too yuck for Callie to be toddling around out there next summer. So I wiped it our except for my Gardenia I planted the year we moved in. I added some shrubs from the front of the house, some Salvia, a new Drawf Gardenia, and some various annuals. I dont do many annuals because I would rather have something come back instead of re-buying. I like the way it turned out though and its going to be much easier to maintain. We are going to add a perimeter and some mulch to it later.
Still a lot to do around the trees in the front yard and get some of my Iris' and ground cover in the back still but so far so good!!
I also was blamed today by our neighbors for being their inspiration!! They came home today with tons of new flowers to work on their yard:)
Monday, June 2, 2008
What makes life so great
Motherhood is the absolute best thing in my world. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by emotions when I start to think about how truly blessed I am to be Callie's Mommy. I honestly feel complete now that I have her.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)